


If I Knew Then

by mcschnuggles



Series: The Regression Zone [9]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, Angst, CGRE - Caregiver/Age Regressor, Caregiver!Lucretia, Gen, Regressing!Taako, The Director | Lucretia-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2020-09-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:01:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26483095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcschnuggles/pseuds/mcschnuggles
Summary: There are some things Lucretia can't fix. She won't let the Glamour Springs incident be one of them.
Relationships: The Director | Lucretia & Taako
Series: The Regression Zone [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1551574
Comments: 7
Kudos: 32





	If I Knew Then

**Author's Note:**

> I thought this "fun one-shot" was going to be 10k AT MOST.
> 
> Then it ended up being 14k.
> 
> And really sad.
> 
> Oops.
> 
> Big shout out to QQ125 who offered to help me edit this monstrosity and also revitalized my writing self-esteem in the process. You're the real MVP

Finding the right road is the hardest part.

They certainly don’t make it easy. A deviation from the main road at Goldcliff, a detour in the desert, a series of winding backroads of flat land until you can see greenery again, all topped off with a pathless trek through the forest until finally _finally_ you see the buildings towering above the trees. Only then will you know you’ve made it.

Then, in a small clearing, close enough to town to draw everyone’s attention, is a single cart. The engravings and finish display the work of a master carpenter, every inch of the exterior fighting its hardest to declare its own wealth. And if that weren’t enough indication, a large sign with the words _Sizzle It Up with Taako_ hangs above it all.

Lucretia checks left and right before removing the hood of her cloak. No one will recognize her, that she knows, but suspicion and paranoia nag at her even now. She’s consumed with the irrational fear that she’ll be caught, even though there’s not a living soul that’s aware of what she’s doing.

The horses stand idly in a nearby patch of grass, their reigns loosely tied to a fencepost. They acknowledge her presence but do little else.

Honestly, she doesn’t even know why she’s panicking. The chance that someone will recognize her is slim, near nonexistent. But still, here she is risking it all.

She checks behind her one last time, to make sure no one’s been following her. This was a bad idea from the start, but it’s too late to turn away now.

She clenches her fists, trying to still the shaking in her hands as she raps her knuckles against the drawn shutter.

It’s only a few moments before the hatch pops open, and she comes face to face with Taako.

“What’s good?” he asks in a bored tone. Whatever is wedged in his nails must be intensely interesting, because he barely spares her a glance.

Lucretia can hardly believe her eyes. He doesn’t look like he’s aged a day, his white-blonde hair pulled up in a messy bun. All that’s changed is the scenery. If they were in the Starblaster kitchen, she could almost believe the past few years have been nothing but a terrible dream. The only thing that’s different is…well, that there’s no recognition in his eyes. Here he is, and he doesn’t even remember what he used to think of her.

She must be making faces, because Taako shifts uncomfortably. “Can I, uh, help you?”

Lucretia clears her throat. “Oh, uh, I came to see the show.”

Taako offers her a half-smile, the one he used to give to people he’d rather not be talking to. “You’re a wee bit early. Like, two days?”

Lucretia laughs good-heartedly. “Apologies. I’ve traveled quite the distance to be here.”

Suspicion clouds his features. That’s not good. “You know I have other shows, right? Ones that are probably closer? That’s why it’s called a _touring show_ , my dude.”

“It had to be this show.” Lucretia answers, only to realize how strange that sounds immediately after. She holds back a visible wince.

Taako pauses, looking quite stunned, before a slow, self-satisfied grin crosses his face. “I mean, I know my chicken is good, but hot damn.”

“Well, what can I say? I’m your number one fan.”

He grins at that. Lucretia feels a surge of relief knowing that appealing to his ego still works like a charm. If it hadn’t, well… she wasn’t even sure if it’d be the same Taako.

“Very nice to meet you, number one fan. You know my name, but I don’t know yours.”

“Lucretia.”

“Lucretia.” Taako repeats, rolling the name around in his mouth.

“Or Lucy.” Lucretia adds hastily. “You can call me Lucy.”

“Right on.” Taako says. He shifts, indicating he’s about to cut this conversation short any moment now. Lucretia has to think fast.

“Well, thank you for your time.” Lucretia says. “It means a lot that I was able to talk to you. I’m sure you’re quite busy. I wouldn’t expect anything less of such a talented chef.”

With the way Taako puffs up, she knows she’s won. She’s appealed to his ego just enough for him to want her around. “ _Well_ , I’m sure I can whip up something extra for my number one fan if you’d like to hang back.” He looks over his shoulder, taking silent stock of the available ingredients. “Any requests?”

“I’ve heard a lot of your elderflower macarons.”

“Say no more, Lucy. Come around the back; you can chill in the kitchen.”

The interior of the cart is bigger than she anticipated, with a small living area that leads into two respective bedrooms. It isn’t hard to tell which is Taako’s—after all, the giant star with the name “Taako” in big glittery letters is a pretty generous hint.

Lucretia takes a seat on a nearby crate, watching as Taako quickly throws everything together. He must think it’s instinct guiding him, or maybe a gift from the gods, but even if his mind doesn’t remember, his hands do. They remember the hundreds and hundreds of times they’ve put together this recipe.

“So what made you so passionate about food, Lucy?” Taako asks, but it’s more for the sake of noise than actual conversation. Lucretia can’t help but smile, seeing how easily he gets into the zone.

“Some close friends of mine used to really enjoy it.” Lucretia answers. She chooses her words carefully, still not sure how strong the Voidfish’s powers are. “I guess I’m passionate to honor their memories, in a sort of way.”

“Cool, cool.” Taako gives no indication that spurred any memories, so Lucretia counts herself lucky and doesn’t push any further.

“I actually found out about you through your book.”

“I don’t do book signings.” Taako answers immediately.

“I wasn’t asking you to.” Lucretia opts to omit that her book is already signed, with a lovely personal note added in.

Taako bristles, and it takes everything in her not to laugh. “Well why not?”

“I just prefer not to have any markings in my books,” she answers. Another lie, one she hopes won’t come back to haunt her. In reality, the few books she’s allowed herself to keep are messes of scribblings. Every margin of every page is framed with a thought or idea; it’s just the way she interacts with books.

“You do you, I guess.” Taako says, making a visible effort not to pout.

Lucretia lets the line of conversation drop there. Taako’s pride doesn’t need any more bruising than that, poor dear. Instead, she chooses to soak in the silence, watching the practiced movements of his hands.

It’s something she’s noticed from Davenport as well. Even if their minds forget, their bodies remember. Davenport could probably navigate the ship like a pro if given the chance. She wonders what else Taako remembers. Would he instinctively fall into her hugs, resting his cheek on the curve of her shoulder? Or is cooking just so integral to his being that no force could ever make him forget?

“Oh, I get what’s going on here.” Taako grins. She tears her eyes away from his hands to see him watching her with a newfound understanding.

Fear strikes through her, cold and irrational. “And what is that?” It’s a fight to keep the stutter out of her voice, for her to stand straight and channel her director voice even now, when she’s on insecure footing, so close to the past that her old self is almost palpable.

“You just wanted a chance to bake with the greatest wizard chef in Faerun. Trying to butter me up with the ‘I’m your biggest fan’ schtick before springing that ‘I don’t want your autograph’ game on me. No shade, I get it. But you could’ve just asked.”

Lucretia’s never been happier to realize Taako is completely off-base. She holds her shoulders, fighting back the urge to sag with relief. “You would’ve said no.”

Taako snorts. “Okay, maybe you are my biggest fan then.”

“I’m sorry I’m not a more active participant.” Lucretia says. “It’s just so fascinating to watch.”

“Can’t blame you one bit. Not when you’re watching someone as cool and talented as me. You know, people always say that using a New Elfington Buttercream is the way to go, but honestly I prefer the flavor profile of Neverwinter Buttercream.” Taako pauses in his whisking to give her an encouraging nudge. “Ya feel me?”

She doesn’t, but she’ll pretend she does for the sake of conversation. “Of course.”

Taako snickers, and when he looks at her, his eyes are alight with joy and mischief. “You’re a terrible liar, Lucy.”

“I’m still in the early stages of learning,” she admits.

“No shame in that. Gotta start somewhere, my dude.”

And after that, he starts to open up. Sure, he asks her a few basic questions, but she has to be careful to dodge them. Lying would be bad, telling the truth even worse, so she tries to keep the conversation centered on him and his cooking show.

Taako’s more than happy to talk about himself, so she asks him a litany of questions she already knows the answers to, just to make him smile. She listens to his stories about life on the road, working at his grandpa’s farm, living with his auntie like it’s the first time she’s hearing them.

The stories are rehearsed—they have to be, since they’ve all ended up in the foreword of his book—but there’s a genuine shine to his eyes when he speaks, like he’s reliving those happy moments as he’s telling them.

And once he’s out of stories, she asks about his experiences on the road, not surprised by the answers she gets.

They’re picture perfect interview answers—“it’s been crazy challenging but that makes for a cool learning experience,” “getting to meet so many of my fans has been especially rewarding,” “if I could, I’d be doing this for the rest of my life”—but the thing is that he actually _means_ them.

Despite everything he’s gone through, he’s actually happy here.

Taako puts the macarons in the oven, wiping the sweat off his forehead with the back of his hand.

He looks almost sad as he tells her, “Macarons are always best after one or two days in the fridge, so make sure to drop by for the show, alright?”

“Yes, of course.” There it is. Her time is up. She stands, brushing the stray flour from her lap, and offers a smile. “Thank you for your time. I very much appreciate it.”

Taako waves her off. “Don’t mention it.” He pauses. “Wait, like actually don’t mention it. Can’t have people walking in on my me time constantly, dig?”

Lucretia laughs. “Understood.”

They exchange pleasantries and goodbyes, with Taako trying to needle her into an autograph one last time. It only strengthens his resolve when she says no.

Lucretia then heads to the Glamour Springs Inn, where she reserves a room, collapses on her bed, and tries her damnedest to focus on Bureau work when her mind is still spinning.

He has to remember her, at least to some degree. This may just be how he once was, before he was hardened by betrayal and losing everything, but Lucretia doubts he would’ve been so nice if that were the case. For him to invite her in, to cook for her, and the _conversation_. He regarded her warmly, like an old friend. That couldn’t have just been false hope, a trick of a nostalgic and lonely imagination.

Maybe it’s not just the body that remembers, but the heart as well.

* * *

She hangs back for the next couple of days. The key to solidifying your place as Taako’s friend is ultimately by playing hard to get.

She passes by once or twice, usually pretending to need something on one end of the town or the other, and makes sure to wave each time. The front shutter is usually open, and Taako is usually alone or working on setup with his assistant, but she doesn’t have the courage to stop.

What would they even talk about this time? Besides, he must be busy, maybe dealing with pre-show nerves. It has to be both exciting and terrifying to be cooking in front of that many people, having all your mistakes on full display for an eager audience.

The next time she passes by, Taako is nowhere to be seen, so she stops to give the horses a treat. They’ve both been looking a little antsy, having been in the same place for so long, so she thought she might as well do something special for them. That’s the only reason—it has nothing to do with having an excuse to loiter in hopes of Taako coming out and speaking to her.

She’s petting one of the horses, a spotted mare with the sweetest temperament, when footsteps trail out of the wagon.

“Sazed, broseph, I’m not having this conversation again.” Taako is saying. There’s a rough edge of annoyance in his voice, and his tone is dismissive.

Lucretia hesitates. She shouldn’t be hearing this. She lowers her head, trying to focus on the horses, but as she does so, it feels like Taako’s and Sazed’s voices only get louder in response.

“So, what, I do all the heavy lifting and you get your face on the shirts?” Sazed asks.

“See, you get it!” Taako responds. “’Sides, I do all the cooking anyway. It’s my skills paying the bills.”

“Right. And I’m the assistant.”

“Personally, I’d say protégé, but sure, if that floats your boat.” Consciously or not, Taako is only egging him on. Lucretia takes a hesitant step away from the horses, angling her body to try and catch a glimpse of their conversation. It’ll be easier if she has a line of sight.

She feels a shift in the air. It’s subtle, but Lucretia has long developed her skills in detecting magic, and a lot of it is currently gathering around Taako and Sazed. One of them is preparing to lash out, and whichever one it is, it would probably be best to stop them.

She takes a few more steps toward them, waiting until Taako is partially in her view, before removing her wand. She couldn’t afford bringing the staff out in the open like that—and admittedly she’s been worrying about being so far away from it nonstop—so she hopes that her old wand will be enough to channel her magic.

Lucretia cautiously rounds the corner.

Taako has his back to her, but Sazed immediately notices her approaching. She raises her wand, making a clear threat. Offensive magic has never been her forte, but if the twins taught her anything, it’s all in the presentation.

Just as swiftly as it built up, the magic dissipates, and the air rings hollow from the lack of energy moving from it. “Right. I’m gonna—prep for the show or whatever.” Sazed shakes his head and stalks off, sparing neither of them so much as a backward glance.

“Have fun, punkin.” Taako calls after him. “Maybe you can find a better attitude with the potatoes.”

This is too personal a moment for her to get involved with, but at the same time, she can’t just walk away and pretend she saw nothing. The incident has to be fast-approaching—she might have as little as a half an hour to fully obtain Taako’s trust. And while it’s a calculated risk to admit to eavesdropping, with her limited time, that’s just a risk she has to take.

“I came at a bad time, I presume?” She’s sure to stash her wand in her sleeve for later, knowing she’ll need it.

“Lucy.” Taako whirls. He sounds surprised to see her, but it only takes him a few moments to school any vulnerability out of his features and lean against the nearest available object. “How’s it hanging, lady? I was wondering when you were planning on stopping by.”

“Yes, well, I had to bring something for the horses.” Lucretia’s smile fades. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to eavesdrop…”

Taako smiles ruefully. “Says everyone who just got done eavesdropping.”

“Yes, well, you got me there.” No point in denying it now. “Are you going to be alright? Correct me if I’m wrong, but it seemed like one of you was about to attack the other.”

Taako looks at her blankly. “No, we weren’t.”

Maybe his connection to magic isn’t as strong as it once was. Perhaps Lucretia overestimated his lingering abilities. Either way, it’s not worth bringing up. She knows all that she needs to, chiefly that Sazed had been the one poised to strike, not Taako.

“My mistake, then, sorry.”

But Taako lets it go just as easily, his face falling into a lopsided grin. “So feeding the horses, huh? That’s your excuse for being here?”

In more ways than one. Still, Lucretia gives him a wry smile, like she’s been caught in the act. “Perhaps I wanted to wish you luck before the show. Maybe split a macaron or two?”

“Well, the macarons are pretty baller, so I can’t fault you there.” Taako grins, but it’s not the usual lazy half-smile he usually shows. She wouldn’t call it a genuine smile, but it is getting there. If anything, it shows that Taako is beginning to trust her, which will have to do. There isn’t much time left.

She has to be cautious. Raising Taako’s suspicions would only in turn make her seem suspicious. No, the suggestion has to be innocuous.

“Would you be opposed to a pre-show toast?” Lucretia suggests.

Taako hums in thought, but she can tell he’s already sold. “I think I have some Houndstone rum in the back. Lemme just shimmy around Mr. Salt Mine in there and I’ll be right back.”

“Why don’t I come with you?” Lucretia says. “Hopefully that’ll help diffuse things a bit.” She won’t mention that she threatened Sazed’s life not five minutes ago, because Taako doesn’t need to know that.

As she follows him into the wagon, it strikes her that she’s almost out of time. Sazed is sequestered in the kitchen. The shade pulled down and the divider up. He’s taken every precaution to make sure he won’t get caught, but Lucretia knows every trick he’s going to pull.

She pulls her wand further up her sleeve, allowing it to sit comfortably in her palm without it being obvious that she’s armed.

“Coming in, my dude.” Taako mutters.

The second he pulls up the divider, Lucretia strikes. The last thing she wants is to give Sazed a chance to disguise what he’s doing. There’ll be no explaining herself then.

Barely a drop of arsenic falls over the lip of the bottle before his arm is seized by magic, his hand hoisted high in the air for everyone to see.

Taako is beyond words. His lips are parted, but no sound can come out. Doubt churns in Lucretia’s stomach. Was this the right choice? Should she have taken care of this without him? She watches, helpless, as his heart closes in real time, unable to do anything more than hope that she can still reach him.

“Sazed,” he finally says. His voice is small and shaky, and Lucretia wouldn’t be surprised if he was feeling small about now. “What’s with the poison, hoss?”

“I-it’s not poison!” Sazed answers. “It’s just alcohol—to help the taste. Come on, you know I wouldn’t—”

“ _Do you think I’m stupid?_ ” Taako screams. The sound is so raw, so hurt, that Lucretia can’t help but flinch. “What, were you planning on letting everyone die and leave me holding the bag?”

Sazed doesn’t say anything, which is just a way of saying he had been intending to do exactly that.

“I can’t believe this. After all I’ve done for you. You begged me for this job! I was doing just fine on my own but you begged me to let you tag along.” His chest is heaving, his breath coming too fast for his lungs to handle. He’s working himself up into a tantrum, but Lucretia doesn’t dare intervene.

Sazed takes a step closer, holding up his hands in a placating manner. He doesn’t notice that he’s just making the poison in his hand all the more noticeable. “Taako, come on, if you’d just let me explain—”

Taako lowers his head, letting a veil of hair fall in his face. “I don’t wanna hear it, hoss.”

“But—”

“Just _go!_ ” The power in his voice is stunning, enough that Lucretia takes a small step back. Either consciously or unconsciously, he’s rallying his own magic. He takes in a shallow breath, stopping himself before he can truly lash out. When he speaks again, his voice is quieter, but just as wobbly. “Take your shit and go. And don’t ever let me see you again.”

“Come on, Taako, I’m the only one who—” His eyes cut to Lucretia, forcing him to break off whatever he was about to say. “You need me.”

But Taako isn’t listening; he’s long since shut down. “I _need_ someone I can trust, and you aren’t it anymore.” He crosses his arms, like he’s trying to protect himself. “You’ve made sure of that.”

“…Right.” Sazed says. For a moment, it seemed like he had more to say, but a glance at Lucretia stopped him before he could start. At least he knows when he’s beat. “I’ll, uh, be out in a jiff.”

He leaves without a word, his head down. Almost like he’s ashamed of his actions.

Taako half-falls on top of a crate of food, like his legs can’t even hold him upright anymore.

Lucretia doesn’t say anything. She wouldn’t know what to say anyway. How can you comfort someone whose world has just been upended? How do you tell someone that their travelling companion hadn’t cared about them and that this was bound to happen eventually? Do you say it’s not their fault, even knowing it was their own selfishness that acted as the catalyst?

“I thought he was my friend.” Taako whispers.

Lucretia hums her sympathies. It’s natural, almost compulsive, to run her hand through his bangs. “Oh, I know, dear. It’s not your fault for trusting him.” Lucretia bites her lip, praying she hadn’t just crossed a major line. She simply couldn’t help her caregiver instincts roaring to life hearing the sadness in Taako’s voice.

But Taako doesn’t pull away. In fact, he leans heavily into the touch. “He was right about me needing him.”

“He wasn’t.” Lucretia answers. She shuffles closer, and now that she’s close enough, Taako rests his head against her stomach. “You’ll find other people that care about you.”

She can’t say outright that he’ll find other carers, or that she’d gladly step up, but in the end it doesn’t matter. That small comment was more than enough to disrupt their fragile equilibrium.

The moment passes, and they go from being Taako and Lucy to Taako and the stranger that knows too many of his secrets. Taako stands, maneuvering around her with an expertise one only gets from living life never wanting to be touched.

“I, uh, gotta break it to the people out front,” he says awkwardly. “Sucks you never got to try the chicken.”

He’s dismissing her, that much is obvious, but Lucretia isn’t going anywhere. She knows how Taako is, and the only uncertainty here is how long it will take him to fall apart.

After he leaves, she waits a few moments before following, just enough to give him space. He doesn’t pay her any mind as she comes up beside him in front of an audience of forty, but that may just be that he’s too busy drawing his dream job to a close.

“Yeah, so, turns out my assistant was trying to poison y’all. I don’t know what he’s been into, so cooking show’s cancelled, probably forever.” He drums his fingers against the counter, trying to come up with what to say next. “Uh, bye.” The shutter slams closed, muffling the panicked murmurs of the audience outside.

Taako leans against the counter, and again, it looks like all his weight is held aloft by a single thread.

“Well, there goes my cooking career,” he mutters.

He’s probably not even talking to Lucretia, but she answers anyway. She joins him leaning against the counter, ignoring the questioning knocks rattling against their backs. “It’s not your fault. You didn’t know.”

“Yeah, but that shit won’t fly with anyone else. I’ll forever have poisoned food. I’m donezo.”

Well, she can’t argue with that. “I’m sorry for intruding.”

Taako shakes his head. “Why are you still here?”

“Excuse me?”

“I don’t know if you can tell, but I’m done. My cooking show is done, my cooking career is in the gutter; I have nothing else to offer you.”

Lucretia’s heart sinks. Even now, is she too late? Did she not do enough to stop Taako’s heart from closing completely? “Is it honestly so outlandish to think that I wish to know you?”

Taako barks a laugh, loud and self-deprecating. “My assistant just tried to frame me for mass murder because I wouldn’t put his name on the sign— _forgive me_ if I can’t quite believe that.”

Lucretia can’t fault him, nor can she respond. Instead, she changes the subject.

“What’s next for you?”

“I dunno. The fuckin’ woods are right there. Might as well disappear into the forest and live out my dreams as a farmer-slash-bog witch.”

Lucretia chuckles. “As fun as that sounds, might I suggest an alternative?” She straightens up, trying to look her most professional as she gives the most important pitch of her life. “I work for an extremely important and secret society, and I think you would—”

“Lady, you’re cool and all, but I’m not joining your cult.”

Swing and a miss.

“I’m gonna rig up the horses. Maybe I can Prestidigitate my face and run a third-rate food cart instead.”

Lucretia watches him go, intending to give him some space and quietly let herself out. Maybe she can find him again in the coming years, but any similar thoughts are cut off by an impressively colorful string of curses. A glance out the open door tells her all she needs to know.

The horses are gone.

“ _Aaaand_ there goes my ride. Now I have a giant fucking wagon and no horses, sick.” He paces around the area, like the horses will pop out of nowhere if he looks hard enough. “Why did he take both of them? He only has one ass! I hope he looked real fucking stupid riding two horses at once!”

Lucretia tries not to look smug as Taako turns to her. Not exactly how she planned to win him over, but she’ll take what she can get.

“Does your organization have dental?” he asks.

“We do. We also have people that can come collect your wagon.”

Taako sighs, wiping a hand down his face. “You know what? I’ve had just shitty enough of a day that I can’t think of a good reason to say no. Sign me up for your cult.”

* * *

Taako and Lucretia sit in silence for the next hour.

Taako’s sulking, and although she pretends not to see it, she catches him shedding a tear or two. It must finally be sinking in what exactly he’s lost. Poor thing, it’s been such a long day for him.

Dusk has finally settled. The crowd has long since dispersed, but a couple villagers do occasionally swing by to poke around. Lucretia doesn’t know what they hope to find, but they all leave quickly enough. None of them bother Taako directly, preferring to whisper and speculate within hearing distance. It’s then that Taako’s expression gets most vacant.

“There would be our ride.” Lucretia says gently. She’s been watching the sky closely, so she sees the pod as soon as it appears in the emerging night sky.

Taako glances around the area, no doubt about to make a comment on the lack of horses, carriages, and people, when the Bureau pod gently lowers itself into the nearest clearing. At that point he’s too stunned to do anything but trail silently behind her.

There’s a small package in the front seat, a box of chocolate chip cookies with the note “Welcome back, Director!” tucked under the elastic ribbon.

She smiles to herself. Perhaps she should go on personal missions more often, if Avi is going to treat her to cookies.

Taako climbs in after her, dropping his pack in the back seat. He scraped together some essentials before locking up the wagon. Lucretia pretends not to see the Barbie poking out of the back pocket.

“Hopefully I remember how to pilot one of these things.” Lucretia mutters to herself. Thankfully, Taako doesn’t hear that, and takeoff goes smoothly.

Little Taako bubbles to the surface at the sight of the world below, twinkling with hundreds of man-made lights so far below them. Lucretia fights back the urge to take his hand, knowing that would only jolt him out of his already tentative headspace.

He’s practically glued to the window their entire ride up. Only after they’ve docked and the nausea sets in does he plop back in his seat.

“Hey, Director!” Avi greets. He offers her a hand as she steps out of the pod. “How was the trip?”

“Very nice, thank you.” She steps out onto the dock to find the area mostly empty.

All the major missions are still in progress, and most Reclaimers and Seekers aren’t due to come back for a few more weeks. Aside from Avi, there are a few others, but most are too wrapped up in their work to pay them any mind.

“I think I’m gonna vom.” Taako groans.

“Oh, hey, a new guy!” Shaking off his total shock, Avi offers Taako his hand as well. “Don’t worry, it happens to everyone. I think I have some brandy on me. That should help with the nausea.”

“Lucy, this cult sucks.” Taako braces himself against Avi’s shoulder as he steps off the loading dock, all but collapsing into a seated position on the stairs.

“Cult?” Avi shoots her a questioning look as he passes Taako his flask of brandy, but Lucretia just shakes her head in response.

Taako downs the contents of Avi’s flask in one gulp. While he grimaces at the taste, he doesn’t say anything else. Most of his energy is spent trying to keep his balance.

“I’m going to take him to get inoculated.” Lucretia explains. “Thank you for the cookies. They were lovely.”

“No problem! Oh, and hey, get better soon, guy!” Avi calls after them. “Say hi to the Voidfish for me!”

“Voidfish?” Taako murmurs, but before he can press further, another wave of nausea rolls over him.

“This next part may take a while.” Lucretia says. She gently takes his arm, walking him in the direction of the Voidfish’s chambers. “Would you like some tea?”

* * *

The rest of the world feels light-years away as she runs Taako through the basics of Relics, the Bureau, and the Voidfish. If she closes her eyes, she can imagine them still in the inner chambers of the Starblaster, sharing their theories on the universe. Some are sincere, some are jokes, but the time is their own.

When it’s done, Taako takes a long drink of his tea. It’s his second cup. The first was mixed with the Voidfish ichor, and the second acted as a chaser.

“Okay, listen, Lucretia. You’ve got to realize this is a lot to take in, don’t you? For reals, like, moon bases, secret artifacts, _magical jellyfish?_ ”

“I do. I was hoping to rip off the band-aid, so to speak. I find if people can just get over that initial shock, the rest of the adjustment period is fairly painless.”

“And they just…” Taako trails off, waving his hand at the Voidfish. “Drink the jellyfish poop without question, huh?”

Lucretia chuckles. “For the most part, yes.”

She lowers her gaze to her teacup, watching the Voidfish’s ever-shifting swirls of light reflected into the tea. Taako doesn’t mind the empty air, filled by the faint tones of the Voidfish’s song.

She wonders, does he find familiarity in that tune? On some level, is he able to remember sitting on a bench like this one, his head in someone’s lap as the sounds of the Voidfish lull him to sleep?

“Okay, here’s a question for you.” Taako asks. From the way he rubs at his eyes, the Voidfish must be stirring lost memories.

“Yes, Taako. Anything.”

“Why me, then? Out of all the idiot wizards about to lose everything, why me?”

“It was just a chance meeting. I was in town following up on a lead for a Grand Relic.” It’s not her best lie, and because of that, it fails miserably.

Taako’s gaze cuts through her, and she flinches on instinct. “No, none of that. Something’s been whack with you from the beginning. I’m not asking you to spill your guts about it, but I would like to know _something_ about you.”

Taako must sense her hesitation, because he only keeps pushing.

“I just lost my job, my dream, and my closest friend. I followed you up here to join your creepy ass moon cult, and I’m not even that mad about it cuz I’m getting free room and board—the room and board _is_ free, right?—anyway, the point I’m getting at is that I’d at least like to know what shit I’ve gotten myself into.”

“The Bureau is an organization—”

“Lucy. No. I know all about the moon cult. I’m asking about _you_. Be straight with me or I’m out. I’ll walk right off the damn edge if I have to, but I won’t be staying here.”

He has her cornered. All the scenarios she’d been running through and working out couldn’t compare to the sheer force of Taako when he wanted an answer.

“Taako, I have… a lot of secrets.” She struggles for the right words, something she can say without saying anything at all, but she crumbles under Taako’s glare. “The last thing I want to do is scare you more than I already have.”

In her attempts to be vague, she gave Taako all the information he needed to figure things out. His fingers go slack around his teacup. “You knew about the Glamour Springs thing beforehand.”

It’s not a question, but it still provokes an answer. To be fair, he’d probably been suspecting as much for a while now. “Yes.”

“And you wanted to stop it for whatever reason.”

“Yes.”

“Uh-huh.” Taako crosses his legs, examining her up and down. He must be looking for a tell, some hint she’s lying.

Lucretia sighs. Continuing to lie wouldn’t do her any good. If anything, she can still salvage some of his trust. “If you must know, the reason I chose you was the same reason I chose to stop the Glamour Springs incident. I’ve known for a while now that we were meant to grow close, that you were meant to be here. I just wanted to save you the pain.”

Taako rolls his eyes. “Spare me.”

Lucretia smiles ruefully. “Taako, I think it’s time you face the horrifying reality that people care for you.”

“My assistant just tried to poison me and thirty other people.” Taako says bluntly.

“So you keep telling me.” She means it teasingly, but it only makes the lines in his face deepen. She changes gears. “I know it’ll take time. To trust anyone, especially a caregiver, is too much to be expected of you considering what you’ve been through.”

It’s her first time saying it out loud, and it shows from the way Taako jolts. “You—” He breaks off the sentence of his own, too flabbergasted to say anything else.

“It’s something you’ve trusted me with for a long time now.”

“That sounds like something a seer would lie about to try and get closer to someone.” Taako says. His voice gives the tiniest hint of a quiver.

“And how else would I know about it?”

Taako doesn’t have an answer for that. He just looks at her, eyes roving over her face like he doesn’t even recognize the person in front of him. Maybe he doesn’t.

“I, uh…” Taako trails off, setting aside his teacup so he can roughly fidget with his own hands. Every movement is alight with nervous energy. “I’m just gonna head to bed. This is a lot. You realize this is a lot, right?”

“I do.” Lucretia says. “I was hoping to get everything out of the way at once. The last thing I want is secrets between us. Here.” She takes a silver key card and presses it into his palm. “This will give you access to my chambers.”

Taako’s eyes widen. “ _Whoa,_ Lucy, I appreciate the save and all but I’m—”

“Don’t flatter yourself.” Lucretia teases. “I meant that if you’re feeling small and vulnerable, I wouldn’t want you to go through that alone.”

“You know that Sazed was my former caregiver.” Again, not a question.

“I know he wasn’t very kind to you,” she retorts. She taps her fingernails against the base of her teacup, debating how much further she needs to push to prove her knowledge. “It is not wrong to want your emotional needs met.”

“Right, right. Well, uh, let me think it over for a bit, ’kay?” Taako pushes himself off the bench, his legs notably shaky as he does so. But still, he hesitates. “Uh, goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Taako. Sweet dreams.”

He gives her an awkward peace sign before ducking out, leaving Lucretia and the Voidfish alone in a room that suddenly feels entirely too big.

With a sigh, she raises her head to look at the Voidfish, wondering if she’d done enough things right to convince him. If he asks for a one-way ticket off the moon base tomorrow morning, it’ll be her fault.

Taako doesn’t stop by that night, nor does he the night after. In fact, Lucretia doesn’t see a trace of him for nearly a week. And while it may be rude to pry, she does ask Avi if he’s had any luck. He has, at least more than her, meaning that Taako will accompany him to the dining hall. As expected, he isn’t too chatty—enough to start a rapport, but he’ll clam up the second anyone asks him to talk about himself.

It’s expected, but Lucretia wishes he wouldn’t have to go through this all alone. It has to be a lot to process.

But after a week of total silence, Lucretia isn’t expecting him to drop by any time soon. At most, he might visit her in her office to chat, but anything more than that would just be wishful thinking on her part.

That being said, Lucretia almost jumps out of her skin when she hears the door to her chambers sliding open.

Her first thought is that it’s someone trying to kill her—not because such a thing has happened before, but because her raging paranoia tends to get the better of her.

In her haste, she grabs her wand and the thickest book on her shelf. That way if her magic doesn’t work, she can at least give the intruder a good thump to the head.

She creeps out of her bedroom to find the intruder silhouetted in shadows. They’ve turned her lamp by her couch on. So probably not an assailant, or at least not a very smart one.

“Hello?” The urgency in her voice startles the intruder. He leaps about a foot backward and whirls on his heel to face her.

Taako. Of course.

“I can just leave,” he mutters. Even in the dim lamplight, it’s clear just how red his cheeks are. 

Lucretia smiles warmly, trying to look like she’s just been pulled from a good story instead of sleep. “Ah, Taako. I was wondering if you’d come visit.”

His face burns, and he drops his head to finger the frayed ends of his shirt. “Can leave. I know I’m trouble.”

“No, no. Come here.” She opens her arms, beckoning him in for a hug that he doesn’t accept. “I was worried I’d scared you away with everything I said.”

Taako chuckles weakly, his head down. “It’s not every day you meet a seer—or whatever you are.”

His voice is half-big, like he’s actively trying to force himself out of headspace. He must have woken up small, and suddenly she regrets securing him with a private room. Would he have been so isolated if she’d paired him to room with Johann and Avi? It’s been the two of them for so long, surely they wouldn’t have minded a third.

“That it isn’t.” Lucretia agrees. After a pause, she asks, “Have you been enjoying your time here?”

“Oh, yeah. Avi’s super chill. The food could use a little work, but I won’t hold that against y’all.” He forces another laugh, but it fades far too quickly. “Yeah, I’m gonna head out. Just remembered I left the oven on.”

Even now, he’s doubting his place. Compared to what could’ve happened with Sazed, the damage was minimal, but that doesn’t diminish how it hurt him. Taako is sensitive to rejection, and just the idea of someone he was close to trying to hurt him is enough to make him shut down.

“Taako, I assure you, you’re safe here. You’re so safe.” She remembers the book, heavy in her hands, and holds it up as an offer of sorts. “Would you like to join me for a story? It’s only fair since you came all this way.”

“Yeah, that sounds good. A little unattended oven never hurt anybody.”

Lucretia hesitates, caught between laughing at his joke and reassuring him he doesn’t have to stay. She’s never been good about knowing where they stand with each other. The last thing she wants is to project her wants onto him.

Is he kidding? He’s lying about the oven, surely, but is it because he wants to leave, or because he thinks _she_ wants him to leave?

“Well, if you find yourself in need of company once your oven is taken care of, know that I’ll still be awake.” She gestures to the book in her hand, which she now can see is a dictionary, and tucks it close to her chest. Hopefully he hadn’t noticed that.

She turns back in the direction of her bedroom, intending to give Taako as much time as he needs to decide.

“Lucy, wait.” Taako shifts from foot to foot, glaring off to the side. He’s never had an easy time with emotional honesty, but neither has she. “Future me had to trust you for a reason. You must be chill if I’m sticking around for as long as you say I do.”

“The future isn’t definite,” she reassures him. “It can be changed, especially if you aren’t comfortable here.”

“No—uh, that’s not it.” He tucks at a flyaway strand of hair. “I dunno… I guess I… I’m sick of being alone. Even with Sazed, I was… well, I guess you know that already.”

She didn’t need him to elaborate any more than that, nor did she need him to force out any more sincerity. She understands. Better than anyone, she understands. “So you’d like a story then?”

He lowers his head, letting his hair obscure his face. “Please, Lucy.”

“Come here, darling.” She opens her arms, which he doesn’t hesitate to run into. He clings to her, like she’s the last lifeline he has. Maybe she is. She won’t ask. “I know, you’ve been through so much. I’m sorry.”

It’s awkward, but with a bit of maneuvering, she guides him over to the couch. Up close, she can see his eyes are puffy and red-rimmed, and her heart twists with sympathy.

“I’ll be right back,” she tells him, detangling his arms from around her neck. And while he pouts, he doesn’t protest. She returns in less than a minute, with an armful of blankets and a new book.

Taako wastes no time in cuddling up to her again. He’s so hungry for touch, to be loved, that it’s frankly worrying. When was the last time he had so much as a hug? Poor thing.

“Would you like to talk about whatever’s bothering you?”

Taako shakes his head.

“Very well.” Thankfully, in her haste, she’d grabbed a work of fiction, and even more thankfully, it was a non-saucy adventure novel. She flips back to the beginning and starts to read, “Chapter 1…”

Things get better after that.

Lucretia tells him he can come into her office at any time, making a show of giving the same message to the guards. That’s how Lucretia ends up with her own personal baby duck, but she can’t say she minds it.

Her heart warms every time she looks up to see Taako in his favorite bean bag chair, tapping away at some video game he loves. Sometimes he cares about the Relics, but it’s hard when so little progress is made.

Admittedly, she is holding a lot of progress back on purpose. Many of her Reclaimers are capable, but she’s unsure how they’d hold up against a Grand Relic. Killian’s progress is looking promising, and she’s Lucretia’s top candidate for the Phoenix Fire Gauntlet, but even she needs a few more months before Lucretia is ready to send her off.

Taako has jokingly suggested he might accompany Killian, since he’s good at magic, and Lucretia has to jokingly shoot him down, all the while ignoring the pit in her stomach. She could never let him go on one of these missions, not now. Instead she tries to distract him with hobbies, so that his jokes stay as jokes.

One of the things she’s most relieved about is that Taako doesn’t develop an aversion to cooking. It took a little prodding on her end, but it was only a matter of time before he started hosting little dinners around the Bureau. The group that forms around him is small, but predictable.

Avi, of course, who’s seen enough of Taako coloring with Davenport to be fiercely protective of the newcomer. Johann, who probably only came at Avi’s insistence. Carey and Killian are a surprise, but not an unwelcome one. Apparently Taako swiped Carey’s pudding cup in the dining hall one day, and even though he was easily caught, she promised to teach him in exchange for invitations to the next dinner.

A reasonable circle of friends. Small enough to stave away the loneliness, not too big that she never gets to see him. Even as he starts coming out of his shell more—going for walks around the campus, meeting with Avi just to hang out—she couldn’t be more grateful that at the end of the day, he’s still curled up napping on her quilt.

Then Magnus and Merle arrive.

Immediately she’s consumed with the irrational fear that she’ll lose him. Magnus and Taako have always been thick as thieves, but maybe that will change without an adventure to share. She can only hope.

Taako is regressed when they arrive, and not particularly embarrassed about it. How could he, when everyone around him has been wholeheartedly supportive?

Lucretia is still stunned by the turnaround. All it took was her support, as well as Davenport’s, and he was opening up to the others one by one. Avi first, then Johann, followed finally by Carey and Killian. Though he won’t admit to anything, Lucretia strongly suspects he only held off telling them for fear it might interfere with his rogue training.

He and Davenport sit together on a quilt, coloring and pretending to look disinterested in the news about Phandalin. He has his back turned to them, but he can’t hide the way his ears prick up when they recount their firsthand experience with a Relic.

Fortunately, that interest only lasts as long as they have a story to tell. Taako takes a couple discreet peeks over his shoulder, and upon getting a good look at them, he couldn’t care less.

Lucretia walks them through the usual speech, explaining the Bureau and the mission and the Relics, which only solidifies how little Taako cares.

However, Magnus and Merle have already taken a vested interest in him. She wonders, it is because they find him strange? Or does the image of him relaxed and regressed spark some sense of familiarity with them?

Lucretia finds it best to bring it up first. She looks over her shoulder and then back at the boys, like she’s caught them staring. “Forgive me, I forgot to introduce them. This is Taako, an… assistant of mine.” Or at least, that’s what she’s been telling people. It helps explain why she’s keeping him, a random stranger, so close.

“You get two assistants?” Merle asks.

“Can we get assistants?” Magnus pipes up.

Lucretia fights back a smile. Good to see Magnus remains unchanged through everything. Still, she has to look professional. “No. I have very important Director things that I need help with.”

“Like coloring pretty pictures, apparently.” Merle says.

She refuses to look embarrassed. “They provide moral support. I assure you, you’ll find no better color specialist in Faerun.”

Even Taako snorts at that one.

* * *

As the months pass, Taako gets more and more invested in the Relics.

It helps that actual progress is being made, but the fact that _Magnus and Merle_ , the goofy idiots that stumbled into her office somehow brandishing a Grand Relic, are the ones heading the operation, can only draw his concern.

He watches over her shoulder, only growing more and more fascinated with Lucy’s new favorite Reclaimers.

“Don’tcha think they at least need a wizard or something?” After a moment Taako frowns. “And while they’re at it, a decent healer wouldn’t hurt either.”

“They’ll be fine.” Lucretia reassures him.

He pulls up a chair, slouching into it. Lucretia opts not to comment about him resting his feet on the edge of her desk. “You can’t really believe that, my dude.”

Lucretia points to her eye and winks.

“Right. Of course.” Taako sighs, having gotten sick of that response weeks ago. It’s a power that Lucretia’s admittedly been using more than she should. “Future vision or whatever.”

“Speaking of our fair Reclaimers, any updates?”

Taako leans forward, lazily scrolling through news feeds on her desktop. “Well, Dumb and Dumber just crashed the train.” Taako tells her.

Lucretia sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose. “Glad to know some things never change.”

* * *

Taako’s curiosity only grows from there.

Magnus and Merle soon prove themselves on the Rockport Limited, securing another Relic with ease. Taako watches, jaw dropped, as they parade in, Relic in hand. He won’t even hear their attempts to recount the adventure, which Lucretia knows is both highly exaggerated and crafted to make them look good.

As Lucretia whisks away the Relic, Taako sneaks out to follow Magnus and Merle. It’s expected, so Lucretia casts Arcane Eye to keep an eye on him.

He catches them in the empty hallway, running in front of them so they have no choice but to pay attention to him.

“What’s your _deal?_ ” Taako asks.

The two of them just blink at him, trying to put the pieces together. It takes them a moment, but Lucretia can see in their eyes when they recognize Taako, the peculiar little elf who cooks and colors and demands games of tag from Avi while he’s working.

“Uhh, no deal?” Merle tries, but his dated references can only get him so far.

“No offense, homies, but I’ve met toasters with better self-defense skills. I can chalk one Relic up to dumb luck, but _two?_ There’s gotta be some game you’re getting at.”

He steps closer, and although he and Magnus are roughly the same height, there’s no way he could achieve any level of intimidation against Magnus’s pure bulk.

Taako drops his voice lower. “You’re either super lucky or way too good at pretending to be stupid. Well, you might have pulled one over on Lucy, but I will _not_ let you ruin what I have here. So step out of line and I’ll show you just what I can do with transmutation magic.”

Lucretia’s grip on her staff tightens. This is, admittedly, what she’d been afraid of. She had a feeling Taako might start feeling threatened by them, especially when they started coming up so frequently in her reports. She just didn’t anticipate him jumping straight in with the threats.

“Hey, buddy…” Magnus holds his hands up and takes a small step back. He recognizes a threat when he sees one, but the dissonance between the quiet, shy elf he’s seen and the one standing before him now is too strong to ignore. Still, he forces a smile. “Trust me when I say this stupidity is one hundred percent genuine.”

Taako narrows his eyes, clearly not believing a word of it, but before Magnus can say anything more, Merle jumps in. “Invite us to one of your dinners and you’ve got a deal. We won’t do shit.”

Lucretia fights back a smile. Taako’s cooking has gained a legendary reputation, which was only compounded when people started putting together that he was _the_ Taako. There was some chatter about his assistant trying to poison people, but the Bureau by and large didn’t hold it against him. How could they, when his cooking was so good? It only makes sense the two of them would want an invitation as well.

Taako raises an eyebrow, sizing Merle up. He’d spent so much time glaring at Magnus, the biggest guy in the room, that he’d barely spared Merle so much as a glance. Lucretia can see the gears turning in his mind, determining which one of them is really in charge. The answer is neither, seeing as their dynamic is rooted in anarchy.

“Fine. See you Tuesday. Bring a red wine.” He breezes past them, leaving the two of them in stunned silence.

That was the in they needed.

It was like a countdown clock, counting each second until Lucretia lost him.

* * *

Taako’s dinners are mostly informal, somewhere between a bonfire and his old cooking show. He likes to perform for an audience, talk them through the steps, show them every minutia that goes into his craft, but at serving time, he sets everything on a long table, almost like a buffet, and asks everyone to gather into a circle.

It’s… different with Magnus and Merle there. Probably not for anyone else—in fact, Avi, Carey, and Killian especially seem comfortable with their presence—but for Lucretia, it’s like a ticking time bomb.

If she closes her eyes, she could almost imagine they’re back on the Starblaster, or that things have finally been fixed, or _something_ , and that’s a dangerous thought to have. Even if she’s detoured in saving Taako, she can’t forget what her mission is.

The boys are in the middle of recounting their impressive recovery of the Oculus, and while no one in attendance can actively contradict them, no one believes them either. Apparently Taako has said his piece with them, because instead of trying to poke holes in their tactics, or even just alluding to the fact that _they crashed an entire train_ , he listens with rapt interest.

It’s hard to read him. Is he still suspicious of them? Was their story enough to convince him? Or does he just not want to ruin the jovial tone of the night?

The party winds down fairly quickly. Lucretia chalks it up to a hard week for most everyone. Sure, Magnus and Merle had their mission to retrieve the Oculus, but Killian was also sent out to scout Goldcliff. With how attached Taako is to her and Carey, she was one of the first Reclaimers to be retired. Aside from her, Avi’s been working with launches near constantly, and Johann’s been composing nearly nonstop.

Taako yawns, and Lucretia instantly sees the telltale signs of him regressing. It’s been happening more and more at these dinners, the more comfortable he gets with his immediate circle.

Because despite the fits he pitches about how big he is, how he doesn’t need to be babied, he likes it when Avi fusses over him, or when Lucretia offers to read him a story, or when Killian busts out her frankly impressive knowledge of the Barbie movies to keep a conversation with him.

Lucretia offers a sidelong glance at Magnus and Merle, the only ones in the room who don’t know that Taako regresses. There’s no way they’d be mean about it, but them knowing is just another piece of him she’s scared she’ll lose.

Taako yawns again, tilting onto his side and draping himself comfortably over Avi’s lap. “’Vi, I’m tired. You should carry me to bed.”

Avi chuckles. “I don’t know about that. Last I heard you were super big and super mature and didn’t need to be carried.”

The look of betrayal that crosses Taako’s face has Lucretia fighting back laughter, but only for a moment. He shakes off his anger quickly, so he can set his sights on someone else. Not on the person he trusts the most, but the one he knows will make Avi the most upset.

“Maggie, you should carry me to bed.” Taako puts on his best puppy dog eyes, reserved only for new people that don’t know better and when he really wants something.

Magnus chuckles, like he’s not sure if Taako is kidding or not but doesn’t want to be rude. “If that’s what it takes to get invited to the next dinner, sure thing!”

Taako cheers, immediately scrambling into Magnus’s lap. He fits there so naturally, like it’s where he belongs. Like Lucretia was a fool for ever trying to separate them.

“Oh wow, you weren’t kidding!” Magnus laughs, but he can’t disguise how confused he is. His hands hover around Taako’s shoulders, like he isn’t sure if it’s appropriate to hold him.

Merle’s gaze cuts to Lucretia. “Age regressor?” he asks.

Lucretia blinks, making no effort to hide her surprise. “I’m surprised you know about that.” Something is churning in her gut, and she tells herself it’s nervousness about what he remembers. Is that leftover info from his time on the Starblaster?

Merle waves her off. “It’s not my first time around the block. I’ve seen all sorts of things.”

Lucretia lets a slow, easy smile to her face. “Good. I hope that means I don’t have to tell you that unkindness toward him will not be tolerated.”

“Wait, he’s a what?” Magnus asks.

Merle pats his shoulder, looking a little too smug for his own good. “I’ll explain it to you back at our dorm.”

Taako whines, insistently tugging at Magnus’s shirt. “Bed now, please.”

“He won’t stop whining until you take him.” Johann warns. “Avi over here knows that better than anyone.”

“Why ask me? I’ve been replaced.” Avi sighs dramatically, which gets a couple giggles out of Taako.

That was the beginning of the end.

Lucretia didn’t accompany them back to Taako’s room, so she’s not sure what all happened. She can only imagine Taako turned up the cute, probably mumbled a sleepy “tank you” while he got settled. Merle mentioned him asking for a bedtime story, and as per their deal, they agreed to tell him about how they kept surviving their adventures.

Magnus immediately became protective of him. From what Lucretia has observed, Magnus hasn’t realized that he’s a regressor as well, so it’s probably just his protective instincts surging instead of any sort of kinship. And try as Merle might, he can’t completely hide his fondness for children.

As for Taako, it’s no surprise as to why he flipped from suspicious to adoring. Not only were they nice, but they were also _adventurers_. They got to go all over the world beating bad guys and saving people while Taako was stuck in the boring old Bureau all day. With each passing day, Lucretia has watched him get more and more restless, with no outlet. Sending him on any sort of mission is out of the question. He’s too low-leveled, and it would destroy her to know that anything had happened to him.

Still, she had no idea he’d get attached so quickly. Since she wasn’t able to save him completely, he still had some lingering trust issues from Sazed and from living his life on the road. But living with Lucretia has softened him. Being able to be little, to be seen as sweet instead of peculiar by nearly everyone, to know that he’s safe no matter what kind of fit he throws, has lowered his defenses considerably.

His presence in her office wanes, with his naptime quilt and bean bag practically going dusty. Nonetheless, Davenport tidies up the area every day, his face pulled in a worried frown as he attends to it.

“Not to worry, Davenport,” Lucretia always tells him. “Taako’s just spending time with his new friends. He’ll be back before you know it.”

If only she believed her own words.

* * *

At the very least, it’s easy to find him.

If he’s not with her, chances are that he’s following Magnus and Merle around. He’s even started joining in on their training sessions. According to Carey and Killian, he’s able to hold his own well enough, but for the most part he just likes to watch.

Still, she doesn’t want to look too clingy, and while she likes to project the image of being all-knowing, the idea that she has eyes everywhere wouldn’t be good for morale.

Asking his whereabouts is merely a formality.

“Looks like they’re busy with their biggest fan.” Avi says, his smile sad.

Lucretia gives him a knowing smile and a comforting pat on the shoulder. Out of all of them, he’s taking being shafted as the favorite the hardest, and it’s not hard to see why. Magnus has utterly usurped him as the “cool older brother.” The only way he could retaliate is to get more lenient with the rules, a field that Avi couldn’t hope to compete with Magnus on. His and Taako’s brands of chaos are too compatible for Avi to stand a chance.

“Yeah, so I got this off a dead guy in a cave!” Magnus is saying. Only as Lucretia rounds the corner does she see what he’s holding.

The Umbra Staff.

A sudden pit splits open her stomach, as she takes in all that’s left of their former crew member. How long has he had this without her noticing? She wants to take Magnus by the collar and ask him a million questions, for something, anything, that might tell her where Lup is, but she can’t. She has to remain calm.

So she smiles, rounds the corner with a casual stroll, and greets Taako by stroking his hair. He grins at her, and gladly makes room for her on the bench.

“What’s all this about dead men in caves?” Lucretia asks. The selfish part of her is relieved when Taako moves to cuddle against her, to know that she hasn’t been completely abandoned in favor of Magnus and Merle.

“Maggie and Em were showing me what they got from their adventures!” Taako explains.

_Maggie and Em._ They’re already close enough to have nicknames. It probably just came naturally for Taako—the names probably just slipped out without him even thinking about it.

“Yeah, I got this thing in Phandalin!” Magnus laughs at the memory. “It chucked Merle halfway across the room when he tried to grab it!”

Lucretia forces a chuckle of her own. “Is that so?”

Magnus nudges Merle with his elbow. “It took one look at you and knew that if it said yes, it’d be stuck _not_ doing healing spells for the rest of its life!”

“Great, so instead it’s stuck with you saying you’re going to learn Conjuration and never doing it.” Merle quips back.

“Magic takes a lot of work to learn! Not that I’d expect you to know that.”

Merle rolls his eyes. “Oh, bite me.”

“So this is your arcane focus then?” Taako says. He inspects the umbrella with rapt interest, taking in the design, the blues and purples, the star patterns.

Part of Lucretia wants to pull his hand away before he can touch it, like so much as making contact with the Umbra Staff will undo all the Voidfish’s work. But that’s something she knows she can’t do without looking terribly suspicious. Taako gives her a wide margin for error with her strange habits, and she pretends to give the same in return, but there would be no explaining that.

“What’s that?” Magnus asks.

“Ugh, okay, Maggie, I’m gonna teach you how to do magic but you gotta play Barbies with me later.” Taako still isn’t comfortable enough to ask for things outright, instead wrapping his requests up in favors and deals so there’s no chance of getting refused.

“It’s a done deal.”

“Sick, now lemme see that thing.” Taako makes grabby hands for the Umbra Staff, which Magnus is more than happy to hand over.

Lucretia watches him a little more closely than she should, waiting for a spark of a memory, any idea that he’s holding a piece of his _sister_ in his hands, but there’s no such sign. Sometimes she wonders if the reason she watches him is from hope or fear.

“Well, it’s super powerful. I can tell you that for free.” Taako turns it over in his hands one more time, boredom clouding his features. “Maggie, you should take me for ice cream.”

That’s the last thing he ever says about the Umbra Staff.

Lucretia still isn’t sure if it’s a relief or not.

* * *

The next few months seem to fly by.

Magnus and Merle rack up Grand Relics at an unprecedented rate, drawing in the admiration of the entire Bureau, but most importantly, from Taako.

He spent the entirety of their race against the Raven glued to the screen, his eyes wide with awe at every trick they pull.

Lucretia ignores the pull in her stomach, reminding her that Taako’s never looked up to her like that. She could never compete though, not when she’s just boring old Lucy. Not when her competition is two adventurers and their bugbear friend with a motorcycle.

Their coolness factor is only compounded when Magnus busts out Evocation magic Lucretia didn’t even know he had to incapacitate the Raven. Her eyes flit to Taako, but she doesn’t ask. Did he teach Magnus that? Sure, the twins always made a habit in dabbling in each other’s school of magic, but she didn’t think any of the expertise stuck. At least, not to _this_ caliber.

Something else is going on with Magnus, but Lucretia doesn’t really care at the moment. No, her worries lie with Taako. She can see the hunger in his eyes, the need for adventure, but it’s an impulse he doesn’t have the ability to act on. So instead he watches from a distance, seeing Magnus and Merle have all the fun. They’re quickly becoming legends in his eyes, to the point where even adult Taako is in awe of them.

It’s near impossible to get him away from the comms when she sends them to retrieve the Philosopher’s Stone.

He’s not regressed, which only makes it harder, because he’s itching for a chance to do _something_. Even if he’s just running support, casting spells, _anything_ would be preferable to sitting in Lucretia’s office and going through reports like nothing’s wrong.

Despite her attempts to soothe him, he only gets more restless. At one point, he leaves in a huff, and as she later finds out, he traded an invite to his next dinner for access to Angus’s comms. He didn’t want to do anything, other than listen in, so Angus had no problem with the deal. And that’s how Angus finds his way into Taako’s life.

It’s… different than it should be, and it’s hard to disconnect what she expects with what she sees.

Angus regards Taako with bemusement, but not unkindly. The only difference is that he sees Taako more as a peer than a mentor. He’s learning magic from Magnus anyway, which is the biggest example of the blind leading the blind that Lucretia has ever seen.

Magnus suggests many times over the months that Angus learn from Taako instead, but Angus declines every time. It seems he’s unable to dissociate adult Taako from his regressed side. While Taako pretends it doesn’t bother him, she can see how much it damages his pride.

Lucretia is still his primary source of comfort. No matter how much he looks up to Magnus and Merle, he could never bring himself to bug the big bad adventurers late in the night. So he comes to Lucretia instead.

He hardly says anything, especially when he’s feeling sad. Time has separated them in many ways, but at least it’s made him comfortable with coming to her like this.

He’ll wordlessly climb into bed beside her, resting his cheek in the curve of her shoulder, arms looped around her waist like he never wants to let go.

It’s the silence that’s most telling, because when is Taako _not_ talking her ear off? She’ll look down at his face, his downcast eyes, and her heart will clench with sympathy. It’s in these moments that she knows she’d do anything he asked of her, if only to alleviate the heavy feelings weighing him down.

She always asks him what troubles are buzzing around in that head of his, but he never answers. The most she gets is a simple headshake, and she doesn’t push any more than that.

Whatever makes him this sad is always gone by morning, and not a word is said of it.

* * *

The months continue to come and go, and it seems like no time at all before the Temporal Chalice is theirs.

Five Relics down, now only one remains.

It’s a bittersweet victory when she knows what’s coming next. Wonderland won’t be easy, and the upcoming risks it poses have caused more than her share of sleepless nights.

Magnus and Merle will come back different, there’s no doubt about that. Wonderland has a way of twisting you, wringing you out until nothing is left but the worst parts of you. She’s just hoping the damage isn’t too severe.

They’re strong, and they’re inherently good men, and while that’s been enough to assure her they’ll be fine with every other Relic, it may not be enough in Wonderland. She hopes it is—she prays every night that that will be enough to save them.

If it’s not, the failure will destroy her, and the world will surely be soon to follow. There’s no one else suited for this mission anymore, unless she, Taako, and a few former Reclaimers would want to take the task. But that would be nothing than a suicide attempt disguised as a last-ditch effort.

For now, it doesn’t matter. Everyone around her is buzzing with excitement, swept up in the excitement of another Relic taken care of. Taako put extra work into making a nice cake for this dinner, on top of a buffet’s worth of dinner dishes. The least she can do is nod along and smile.

Magnus and Merle are stumbling over each other, fighting to tell the best (highly exaggerated version) of their mission to capture the Temporal Chalice while Taako listens with wide eyes. Adult Taako would probably call them on their bullshit immediately, but Taako makes a point to listen to their stories only while tiny. It’s a way of keeping the magic alive, Lucretia guesses.

Avi throws in some comments of his own, but any story he tells could never stack up to being in the center of the action like those two were. He mainly hangs back, listening to them give the third or fourth version of the climatic minecart chase.

Lucretia senses his arrival before he reveals himself.

Kravitz appears in a flurry of feathers and shadows. Neither are necessary to his teleportation powers, but it’s the kind of extra-ness Lucretia has come to expect from him.

He doesn’t bat an eye at Taako, perched on Magnus’s lap with a Barbie in each hand. Even though Lucretia did her best to keep Taako hidden during the Lucas Miller debacle, Magnus and Merle still mentioned him when Kravitz was trying to kill them. If she remembers right, the joke they’d been making was “please, no, I have a kid,” which they’d then had to explain in detail to a very confused Kravitz.

They’ve probably mentioned him more than once in the meantime, so it’s no surprise that Kravitz is just another person unfazed by Taako openly regressing.

“Hey, Krav!” Magnus greets, but his smile fades quickly. “Wait, you’re not here to try and reap us again, are you? Because if so I have to take back the nickname, I’m sorry.”

“This doesn’t have anything to do with Refuge, does it?” Merle asks. “Because if that’s the case, let those people be. They’ve gone through hell and made up for lost time.”

“This isn’t just about the people of Refuge.” Kravitz says. He looks almost remorseful, wringing the corner of his cloak in his free hand.

“Then what is this about?” Magnus asks. “I thought we were cool, Krav.”

His gaze settles on Taako, and Lucretia’s heart twists. “Well, I need to take the little one, I’m afraid.”

If there was a way to get everyone on their feet faster, Lucretia has yet to see it. Magnus puts himself between Kravitz and Taako, looking like he’s ready to fight, even if his eyes are pleading. “What? What did Taako even _do?_ ”

“Eight counts of death without crossing over once.” Kravitz says simply. “Same offenses as you two.”

“Hey, that’s nothing compared to my total!” Merle jokes, but his smile fades at the somberness of Kravitz’s voice.

Lucretia’s fists tighten around her staff. She hadn’t anticipated this, but she’d fight if necessary.

But before she can act, Taako stands up, a rare glint of determination in his eyes. “Um, homie, I don’t know if you’ve met me—my name’s Taako, hi—but fuck that. I have done zero illegal dying, number one. Number two, I’d appreciate it gobs if you didn’t talk over my head like I can’t understand a word you’re saying. And number three, I’m not going anywhere with you.”

Kravitz clears his throat, trying to code-switch without losing his professionalism. “I’m sorry for that. But rules are rules, and I have you down for eight counts of dying without visiting the Astral Plane. A death debt like that is inexcusable!”

“ _Weellll, technically_ , I also saved like forty people in Glamour Springs, so I think that cancels out any death debts you may think I have, ya feel me?”

Kravit blinks in confusion. “I’m afraid that’s not how it works.”

“Then let’s meet up next Friday and you can explain it to me.” Taako says. He produces a scrap of paper from the folds of his robe and holds it out expectantly. “Sound like a plan, broseph?”

“Uhhh…” Kravitz takes the scrap, eyes going wide at what’s written inside. It must be Taako’s number. “I suppose it wouldn’t hurt?”

Taako then proceeds to give him the cheesiest set of finger guns Lucretia has ever seen from him. He must be crushing if he allows himself to be that big of a dork. “See you then.”

And that was another piece of him she lost.

Kravitz was his excuse to get away from the Bureau, to see the world in pieces, no matter how small. Their dates started off as excuses, debating Taako’s connection to Magnus and Merle, fudging if he could be put under the same umbrella as them and have his reaping delayed.

Lucretia always hovered and admittedly fussed when he returned, and each and every time, Taako would laugh her off and tell her not to worry. He thought she was scared of him getting reaped, and that was for the best. Who knows how he’d react to knowing she was afraid that this would be the last push he needed, that it was only a matter of time before the space between them became too vast, the distance irreparable, and once things were fixed, she may never have his forgiveness.

Sometimes days, weeks pass without her seeing him.

He falls under favor of the Raven Queen, an affection for him that only deepens when she discovers he’s a little one like her Kravitz. She comes to care for both of them, adding play dates on top of their real dates.

The only thing that stops Taako from spending every night at Kravtiz’s place is his reaping work. As Lucretia quickly learns, Kravitz’s work schedule is very volatile, and it’s easier for them to part ways before one of his missions just in case anything runs long.

She can feel her and Taako growing apart, but even now she can’t be upset, not when Taako is so happy.

Taako smiles bigger, laughs louder, and every once in a while they still set aside time to bake sweets together. Considering her schedule, it’s getting harder, but she’d drop almost anything for a few more precious moments with Taako.

Five of the Relics are secured, meaning that the only one left is the Animus Bell, locked away in the Felicity Wilds. She’s always known that Relic’s location, but she’d chosen to fudge reports, ignore intel, and redirect Seekers toward the other Relics until she had someone truly powerful.

Magnus and Merle have grown considerably since joining the Bureau. They have pure hearts, amazing strength, and a hefty amount of luck on their side. If anyone had a shot at retrieving the Animus Bell, it’s Magnus and Merle.

But even they don’t stand a chance in Wonderland.

They don’t even return. Instead, Lucretia is sent a package holding one Xtreme Teen Bible and the Umbra Staff. At that point, the only thing she can do is clutch the items to her chest and cry, knowing she lost her dearest friends for nothing.

That’s how Taako finds her, hunched over the remnants of her friends. She doesn’t need to say anything; he can put the pieces together easily enough.

He wordlessly kneels beside her, looping an arm around her shoulders. She can feel him sagging against her, like he wants to break down but is holding it together for her sake. It’s much appreciated.

“Now it’s just the three of us.” Lucretia whispers. And if Taako is confused about that, he doesn’t say it. He just keeps rubbing soothing circles in her back.

“ _You can go back._ ”

Lucretia jerks her head up. “What did you say?” That voice was Taako, but also not. And when she looks at him, his gaze is somber, confused, like he hadn’t said anything.

The illusion of him glitches, shatters for just a moment, and suddenly it’s no longer Taako, but an amalgamation of him and something otherworldly. His eyes glow gold. “ _You can go back_ ,” he repeats. “ _It’s not too late_.”

“Taako, this isn’t the time for pranks.” Lucretia scolds. This has to be some sort of Prestidigitation he’s casting, but she can’t for the life of her understand why he’d try to lighten the mood now.

“ _I am sincere._ ” Taako responds. He moves in front of her so they’re face to face. It only makes him look all the more eerie, to be cloaked in the dim glow of the moonlight. “ _You know now. It’s not too late. You can go back and fix things, now that you know how things are different. I’ll help you as many times as you like._ ”

That’s right. He made her a promise. It didn’t matter if she made mistakes—she was allowed to go back and retrace her steps as many times as she needed to. Until things worked out. Until she got her happy ending.

It wouldn’t take much more. Just a few more tweaks. All she had to do was find a way to make Magnus and Merle seem utterly uninteresting to Taako. And as much as she hated the idea of putting others in danger alongside them, a third, fourth, and fifth party member didn’t sound like too bad of an idea either. They’d need all the help they could get clearing Wonderland, and even then it might just rely on dumb luck.

But when was it enough? She knows as well as anyone that she could easily get trapped in her own time loop, fussing and fixing things for the rest of eternity. She could fudge with the timeline all she wanted, but there was something important she was overlooking.

Taako wasn’t happy here.

He was, in small ways, but the Bureau, his place at her side, those were temporary homes. He had somewhere else he needed to be, a place he actually belonged, and she was keeping him from that.

She could fuss with this… fake world all she wanted, but each step she took to changing things to her specifications was a step she took to make Taako more and more unhappy.

Lucretia lifts her head up, looking at Taako’s somber face. She misses his smile. It’s been so long since she’s seen it, even longer since she’s caused it.

“N-no, it’s not worth it. I’ve messed with things too much.” She takes in a shallow breath, feeling as if her lungs are being drawn and quartered. “It’s better to keep things as they are. It wouldn’t help to do it again.”

Taako pulls away, his eyes going soft. “ _No, I suppose it wouldn’t._ ”

“Thank you,” she adds hastily. “I appreciate the opportunity, but I don’t think it’s meant to happen.”

Out of all the things she feels guilty over, out of all the things keeping her awake at night, the ways she’s hurt Taako always strike her the deepest. He walked into her office not even remembering his own sister, and as she came to know him, of Sazed, of his past, that guilt only got deeper. Deep down, she’d always wished for a way to make things right, but it seems there’s truly nothing she can do.

There’s a nagging voice in the back of her head, one that sounds suspiciously like Merle, that tells her that being there for Taako, helping him heal, is the best thing she could’ve done for him. So why has that never felt like enough? If only there was something more, something _tangible_ …

Taako smiles. The glow in his eyes is fading, making the color cool like dying coals. “ _Goodbye, Lucretia_.” His lips brush against her forehead, but she barely feels it. The rest of her body is numb.

Taako doesn’t leave so much as disappear, fading from existence in front of her. It’s like a darkness that creeps up on her, starting by blinking out the stars and stalking closer, until all that’s visible in front of her is her own two hands, and then not even that.

Darkness is all that’s left.

* * *

“ _Lucretia…_ ”

“ _Lucretia…_ ”

“ _Lu…_ ”

“Lulu?”

Lucretia opens her eyes, fighting back the urge to gasp. Her lungs burn, like she’s just barely escaped drowning.

There’s a hand on her shoulder. Two. Three. She’s being pulled upright. The room spins.

“Davenport?”

Davenport is on one side, Merle on the other. Merle. Alive. Here. The need to vomit wanes in its intensity, and her vision focuses.

Magnus and Taako are watching her with twin expressions of panic, all big eyes and quivering lower lips.

“Wh…” She pauses to gather her composure. No use getting swept up in their fear. “What happened?”

“You passed out.” Merle says. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine.” She pinches the bridge of her nose, trying to let the pieces of her environment come back together.

She’s in the Bureau. The boys are here. Davenport’s here. And next to him is… that’s right.

The Temporal Chalice.

Its thrall on her has receded now that she’s said no, but she can still see flashes of another future in her mind’s eye. She does her best to push it away. It won’t do to torture herself with visions of what could have been.

“I’m sure you boys had quite an adventure,” she says. Her voice is shaking, her smile barely pasted on. “It might do you well to rest. I know that I will.”

Magnus exhales a tiny breath, getting the littleness out of his system at once. It only makes him look even more exhausted. “Right.”

“You sure you’re okay, Lulu?” Taako asks. Lulu, not Lucy. His face is creased with worry, but she can see some other troubles dancing behind those eyes.

“I’m fine, darling.” She looks between him and Magnus, a soft smile coming to her face. “How about tomorrow I take you boys out for ice cream to celebrate a job well done?”

Taako offers a small smile. He’s excited, but guarded. There’s definitely something else wrong, but it’s not her place to ask. Not here. Not in the reality she’s chosen.

“We’ll see how you’re feeling in the morning.” Lucretia decides. “Now go get some rest, all of you.”

Lucretia watches as they leave. She can only hope Magnus and Merle will take care of him. Surely they will. They’re a team, after all.

A pull at her sleeve removes her from her thoughts. Davenport looks up at her with wide, worried eyes, and it’s the last push she needs to completely fall apart.

“Come here, old friend,” she says, opening her arms.

He hugs her. He hugs her with all the strength his little arms can muster, even when he doesn’t know why she’s upset. When the tears come, he only holds her tighter.

He doesn’t know what she’s lost and saved in those few dreaming moments, but it all creates a perfect storm of determination. She’s lost everything before, but she refuses to lose it again.

No matter what the cost, she will preserve the future, not just for her friends, but for herself as well.

**Author's Note:**

> mcschnuggles.tumblr.com


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